Updated: Feb 18
Days completed: 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60
🔺 10 consecutive days of goal setting
🔺 15 blog posts
🔺 30 consecutive days of goal setting
△ Waking up truly excited about the work ahead for the first time
△ Consciously "ate the frog" 5 times (doing the most challenging/important task first)
△ Feeling truly connected to my new vision of myself
△ 60 days of posting!
I'm in a slump, feeling sorry for myself. And I don't want that. As a life-coach it is quite disheartening to find yourself in a place like that. Helping people getting motivated and helping them make the changes they desire in their lives is what I do!
I have achieved many things that I am proud of but I am still locked into an old story about myself that goes something like this:
"I am lazy and without discipline, dedication and hard work isn't something I do. I never commit and give up when things get difficult."
This story isn't serving me at all. I know where it comes from and part of me knows it's not true, but part of me still believes it. It is time to let my actions speak so this last part also understands that things have changed and are changing.
I took the book "Eat that Frog - by Brian Tracy" as inspiration for this experiment. I want to apply (some of) the principles in the book to see what will happen. I want to simply keep an open mind and observe what will change in me (if anything). I recently started winter bathing, a sort of comfort zone challenge that forces me to be disciplined. I thought that I would have to tough through it but now, almost 20 days in, it is something I'm looking forward to! (I highly recommend winter bathing to anyone! It is such an amazing feeling to be in the cold water out of pure choice! It shows you your ability to overcome your mind and inner dialogue in a very tangible way. As a side effect, my skin has never been healthier and softer!)
I'm hoping that it will be similar with this new habit. I hope that over time I will not want to go back and that it will become something enjoyable to stick to this practice!
Practically, the following is my goal:
I will step into a powerful version of myself that I am proud of!
Meaning: A version of myself that is structured and disciplined in the work that is important to me.
And these are the steps I will take to achieve it:
Do a 20 minutes long, daily visualization exercise (every morning), visualizing becoming this new version of myself.
Spend one hour every day working on a single thing (distraction-free) for two months.
Plan my next day every evening.
Plan my next week every week.
Write a daily update post tracking and sharing my experience.
I'm excited about getting started and I'm 100% committed to this.
Accountability: Every day where I fail to stick to this habit, I will donate 150 DKK to Dansk Folkeparti (a right-wing political party. I will do anything I can to avoid this outcome!)
I started my day with a 20-minute, guided meditation (https://www.magick.me/) it is a bit strange but I find it surprisingly powerful each time I do it. It always leaves me feeling energized and ready to get going! The only scheduled plan for the day was to do my mourning routine and then spend one hour, distraction-free on developing my vision. I might share it at some point, for now, it is still in progress.
Today was Sunday and I usually cut myself some slack on weekends. The only thing I did in the morning was my guided meditation which strengthened my commitment to stick to my plan. It really helps me to put my goals in focus: my daily goals, my monthly goals, and my yearly goals!
I spent one hour preparing for an upcoming coaching session, coming up with a grounding meditation that I'm really happy with, and one hour on my vision/goals. I want to get 6 more clients by the end of the month. This goal is a bit out of my hands since I can't control other people's decisions, so I came up with a goal under my control: Reach out to 60 people this month offering them a coaching session. That is 6 people every day. I reached that goal today!
Today I'm writing this entry quite early. It's only 09:40 but I won't have much time later and I have 10 minutes left in the first 60 minutes of focused work. I went winter bathing in the morning and for the second time in a row, the water didn't actually feel cold. I sat in the (7.5 degrees cold) water just calmly breathing not feeling cold at all. It is quite a strange feeling.
After breakfast, I sat down looked through my weekly goals:
- sticking to my routines despite the holidays
- reaching out to 42 potential clients
- setting up a way to track whenever I'm in my "flow state"
- Spending time, each day, working on my long term vision until it is really alive and easily accessible
- refresh my knowledge of two useful coaching tools
Using this list of goals I created my daily to-do list and tackled the most challenging one: reaching out to 6 people. DONE!
Day 4 - reaping the first rewards
Wow! First of all: it feels good to write this even though I'm really tired and would rather be in my bed right now. But it feels good to be consistent. To do what I committed to doing. It is even more amazing that I'm already reaping the first rewards of this practice. After only 4 days I have 1 new client and 2 people wanting a first session. It feels super rewarding to simply stick to my routine and what makes it easier is that I know why I'm doing it. I am getting more and more clarity about my WHY and about where I want to end up! Wohoo!
It's almost Christmas! 1 more day. I've been consistent in my practice so far, and I have decided to make a small change to my routine: I will set my goals for the next day in the evening instead of in the morning. I notice that my actions are getting more aligned with my values so there is a lot less doubt in me regarding what I should spend my time doing.
Today I gave myself somewhat of a break because of Christmas. The only work-related thing I did was to make a list of 6 people to reach out to. One thing I'd like to become better at in the future is managing my phone consumption, more specifically Facebook... Anyways, Merry Christmas!
I realized that these blog updates are lacking coherence and structure. So today I will take some proper time to write this blog entry. The original purpose of this blog was to keep track of how (or if) I'm integrating the changes I outlined in the very beginning. I want to celebrate successes, address problems, and adjust the course over time to make sure I end up where I want to end up! It also serves as an accountability tool for me.
I want to have some indicators that I can measure my days against and observe how these practices impact my life.
Evening planning: I tend to forget this and do it in the morning instead. The reason I would like to do it in the evening is so I can start into the day knowing what I will do. The hope is that that would give me more calmness in the morning. I want to be more consistent with this in the future. Goal for tomorrow: Notice what my morning feels like when I do have my goals for the day clearly formulated.
Daily meditation: Initially I had this mixed in with the goals visualization but it is actually two distinct things. In my meditation I tune into manifesting my goals, I tune into the certainty that I will achieve my goals (by putting my conscious effort into them).
Daily goal visualization: It feels quite powerful to remind myself of what I actually want to achieve every day. I still feel that my vision lacks clarity and urgency/commitment. This might come with time but if nothing changes within the next week I will reevaluate this practice.
1-hour distraction-free work: I love this practice. I am SO much more efficient in my work. Not only do I work without distractions, but I'm also a lot better at finishing a task (also because I've been defining my tasks more clearly)
Created a concept or my next Empathic Communication Workshop: Slowing down
Created 5 video ideas for my Tuesday video series
Created a Facebook event for the upcoming workshop
Created a promo-video for the workshop
This structure feels a lot better and I'll try to keep this up from now on.
Evening planning: I planned my day last night and I stuck to that plan. I don't know if it put me more at ease... a bit perhaps.
Daily meditation: I'm in a bit of a conflict because on the one hand, I don't want to use my phone and on the other hand, that makes it difficult to follow my meditation (which is recorded on my phone). Anyway, I did reaffirm my daily, monthly, and yearly goals. I actually thought about whether I could reach my yearly goal this year... The goal is waking up relaxed, purpose in mind... Perhaps I can reach that.
Goal visualization: I did spend some time on this but not so much.
Distraction-free work: Today I worked on reaching out to 18(!) people on facebook. I did it without interruption even though I really didn't want to... I found at least one person who would like to work with me and whom I'm excited about working with!
contacted 18 people
created and posted a promotion video
developed a plan for "discovering your dream" coaching sessions
Day 9 - Adjusting Goals
I spent a lot of my day today worrying about not getting a task that I had set for myself done. My goal was to reach out to 60 people this month, an arbitrary number that I set myself as a goal. Since this month was almost over I decided that I would simply contact many more people every day so I would manage. This felt quite good at the start and I actually got some good response, but today felt different. I really didn't want to do it and that bothered me! The whole point of this challenge is to stick to my goals! I didn't want to let myself off the hook. At the same time, I don't really think it makes sense to continue doing something mindlessly because I "have to". I'm afraid that I will regress into a state of inactivity if I don't stick to what I said I'd do. It contradicts my goal of being true to my word. At the same time, I don't like this black and white way of looking at things. It feels fear-driven (fear of regressing) and I don't want to be directed by that fear. I called a friend and asked him for advice - he told me to listen inwards and ask myself what is really true. When I do that the following comes up in me: "I trust you and know that you are not backing out of this because you are lazy. I know that you are committed to do the work and to continue on the path you're on. It is okay to adjust your goals."
The original motivation for messaging 60 people was to get 6 new clients. After reaching out to 30 people 6 people actually did show interest and do want to have a first session with me! So I did achieve my goal quicker than I had anticipated! What concerned me on the other hand, was the lack of reply to many of my messages. I'm worried that people might feel annoyed or not valued and I would like to find a different way of reaching out to people.
Perhaps that could be my new goal: finding a better way of getting in touch with people.
Evening planning: I did not plan my day yesterday after getting a bit too tipsy at dinner. That really messed with my whole day as my energy was quite low...
Daily meditation: I did my meditation in the morning but it felt quite unfocused. I believe that planning my day the evening before and thinking about what I want to achieve on that day will make that meditation a lot more directed and powerful
Goal visualization: I find it a bit challenging to keep up the motivation for this even though I can sense just how important it is! I'm still trying to find a good method that will support me in this practice.
Distraction-free work: I'm noticing how much effort it costs me to work with focus when my tasks aren't crystal clear. It can be difficult to stay on top of that during the day as priorities can shift and new input comes in (Facebook messages for example). I would like to revive my Braindump system (a list where I put down everything that comes to mind but that distracts me from my current task).
I spent a lot of energy on planning my NYE
I wrote this post
Went winter bathing
I gained more clarity about the importance of goal setting and goal revision: it is okay to revise goals and it is not a sign of failure to give up on something halfway (if the reasons for it are well thought through)
Day 10 🔺
(Milestone: 10 days of goal setting in a row!)
Evening planning: I had a plan ready but didn't have it next to my bed when waking up which would have been nice. So I'll try to do that.
Daily meditation: I was very distracted during meditation... Found it challenging to go deep, but perhaps that's also okay. We can't always go deep.
Goal visualization: I actually spent some time expanding on my vision today. Part of my vision is to have the ability to act with certainty, not doing the right thing (because it can be hard to know what the right thing is) but to do something that is "pointing in" the right way.
Distraction-free work: I spent a couple of hours working on my videos. I actually got lost in it completely. The result wasn't that exciting but it was my goal for the day.
Created an overview of my future sessions with first-time clients
Created and posted an empathic communication video and wrote the script for 3 more.
Moved the planning process of mininality forward!
I have never spent this much time visualizing my goals. I have definitely been more productive and it was easy to see how the work I was doing fitted into the bigger picture which made me feel a lot more accomplished. I still struggle to deeply connect with my goals and just think I need to put more focused time for that aside. Just reading the vision does not connect me deeply enough to it. It is nice to see that I'm being consistent even now, during the holidays... I'm looking forward to some crazy new-year's celebration!
Evening planning: I had clear goals for today, right next to my bed in the morning and that was really nice!
Distraction-free work: It was quite the challenge to work in a focused way. But I ended up doing all the work I needed to do!
Written session summary and sent off a coaching offer!
Gave myself the holidays off!
Taking a new year's break!
I decided to allow myself to fully enjoy the next few days without a bad conscience. Allowing myself to rest, fully rest feels like an important part of turning professional! Happy new year everyone!
I am back after a few days of holidays! I hope you had a smooth transition into the new year! I certainly enjoyed my break and I didn't feel guilty about taking the break, which was awesome.
With the new year starting, I decided to spend the coming week looking back at the past year and making plans for the new year.
My plan for the coming week looks like this:
Reflect on 2020: What are the biggest lessons? What did I achieve? Where did I grow the most? What goals did I not achieve and why? What do I want to let go of and what do I want to bring into the new year?
Planning 2021: Create a separate new year's blog post.
Rethink my approach for intro-sessions to get more value out of them
Practice my empathic communication workshop for "crossing borders"
Finish the next three empathic communication videos
Day 13 - "A painful lesson" and "looking back at 2020"
So, I actually forgot about writing this post last night. I had friends over for pizza and went to bed without thinking about the post. Technically I skipped a day... which means I need to donate 150 kr. to Dansk Folkeparti. FUCK.
Ouch... This is a bitter pill to swallow. I can't actually believe I just did that.
At least this feels like I am indeed sticking to my word which is the whole point of this exercise. This will act as a good reminder of not missing another day. Jesus...
Lesson learned: In order to stick to a routine it is important that there is a clear reminder and that it happens on the same time every day. I also realized that my motivation to write this blog in the first place isn't as strong/clear as it proably should be. It still feels too much all over the place without clear target audience and without clear goal.
Caveat: If something that I could not predict happens, I am allowed to retroactively write a post (i.e. no internet available, an accident etc.)
Recap of the day: I spent most of my day going through the past year, week by week recalling the most important things that happened. It was a very interesting exercise and really showed me where my energy went. It also showed me how my reality is the result of the actions I take every day which means I have the power to shape my own life in the way I want. What that requires is a vision and directed action, which is what I'm so focused on right now. I feel excited about getting to the second part of the exercise where I will plan the coming year!
Focused work: Old habits have been creeping in. I have been spending a lot of time getting distracted. I notice that this happens most often when my task isn't clearly defined or "chunked" into clear segments. I would just read a message here, check facebook there, listen to a song etc. It really affects my ability to focus and makes me feel more anxious, less accomplished and just overall shitty. What makes it very difficult at times is that I rely on facebook for some of the work I do and it is super easy to get sucked in. Lesson learned: Make a clear plan for each task at hand. If it is difficult to know what "done!" means, set time slots aside for the work. Make it clear what you are not allowed to do in those dedicated time-slots. Allow for breaks where you can do all the distracting things for 5 minutes or so.
Recapped my year Enjoyed the sunshine
I decided to not interrupt my streak given that I paid for it... I think it would feel very demotivating to start from 0 again and this lesson was painful enough to keep me focused in the future. If I fail again, I will start from 0.
Day 14 - Planning 2021
Today I spent finishing my year review and starting to plan the new Year - 2021. I discovered that I had done a plan for this past year 2020 too! It was really cool to see what things had turned out the way I thought and where I fell short of my goals. I realized that I achieved many of my goals and I could really see the progress I had made since last year. I got inspired to write a separate blog post about the process of reviewing my year and of looking forward into the new year.
Focused work: I managed to do a couple of focused working sessions but in the last two hours or so I started to lose my focus again. I got fidgety and easily distracted without having a clear plan. I felt pretty exhausted after doing the year review and then my focus was scattered because I didn't really know what I should do next.
Morning routine: Today I managed to go much deeper into my meditation and my yoga. I found a place of deep quiet within myself and was reminded of just how much noise there is in my head constantly. I got inspired to explore meditation more deeply again, perhaps re-read the power of now which inspired me a lot when I first read it.
🔺 =15 blog posts in a row! Yayyy! Today I'm celebrating my consistency! I've never in my life made daily to-do lists so consistently! The lists I make are short and feel meaningful. I also found a nice format for my weekly planning: On one side of the notebook I write down my weekly goals and on the other page my daily goals for the week. This way I can check easily what I need to do to achieve my weekly goals!
Today I'm truly exhausted after a therapy session.
Focused work: I was more dedicated today but also took a lot of breaks because of my therapy session.
Visualizing my goals: I have been finding it quite easy to tune into my daily to-do's and see how they fit into my bigger plan. Even though I haven't really spent a lot of time visualizing my future.
Adapting daily goals: Today I woke up and felt pretty good. I ended up setting a bunch of goals for my day. As the day progressed it became clear that I won't be able to achieve all of them. This will probably happen again in the future and got me thinking about the importance of feeling accomplished, or good enough, independently of how much work I'm getting done. Tending to my needs is sometimes more important.
Trusting my abilities: Just a couple of days ago I felt really good and confident about my abilities as a coach. Then, yesterday, a potential client told me that they weren't interested after all. A coaching session I had didn't go so well either and I felt totally useless. Like a fraud! How did that happen?! And today I had 3 more sessions! As a coach, my mental state is incredibly important for my work. I need to be able to tap into a good state, no matter what (and if I can't reschedule a session). That was very challenging today, the first session didn't really flow, neither did the second one. I was really struggling with my self-confidence. Then the third session came. All of a sudden everything flowed again! It felt amazing to coach this client! I think that there are a couple of lessons to be learned here:
Not every session will be perfect. Ever.
Just because I don't feel super satisfied doesn't mean that the session wasn't good
With time I will get better at tapping into a positive state
With time I will learn what makes a session really flow
What I did today:
Had three coaching sessions
Wrote a really nice summary of yesterday's session that I'm proud of
Made a mile-stone plan for my coaching
Continued to prepare for the CBS empathic communication workshop
Gratitude: Today I'm immensely grateful that I found my mojo again in the third session. I'm happy that I'm still going winter bathing even though it's really cold and tough these days. I'm grateful for all the opportunities I have in my life and all the great teachers I have.
Focused work: I noticed how big a difference it makes to fully commit to a single task for a specific period of time. It is crucial to not allow for any distraction in that time and to not renegotiate once started. The loss of focus that occurs when switching tasks is massive and therefore it is super important to single-task as much as possible.
Goal setting: I realized how important it is to know my why for each point in my to-do list. I want to spend more time on my weekly plan next week to really clarify why something is important. Otherwise, it becomes too easy to procrastinate or to simply do an easier (but less important) task first.
Written three summaries
Worked on empathic communication workshop
Practiced with the fire staff
Today was an unexpectedly slow day. I was very tired after drinking too many beers with friends and sleeping poorly. I did go winter-bathing and it was the most beautiful weather and the most beautiful swim so far! I also prepared a to-do list for tomorrow in order to catch up n the things I didn't do today.
Sent session summary to a client
made Buchteln for the first time in Copenhagen!
Cleaned up my room
This week I made a daily to-do list in order to make sure that the things I spend my time doing are aligned with my goals.
Focused work: I managed to work completely focused for two times 45 minutes, I really feel how much better I work this way. I'm definitely gonna experiment more with this in the coming weeks.
Weekly review and planning: The past week has felt pretty productive. I managed to keep my routines up, winter bathing every day, and writing down my daily goals. The biggest wins this week were the coaching sessions that I had and the consistency in my work. I've never been this good at structuring my work and doing the tasks I set out for myself. I'm very happy about this change and I'm looking forward to where that will lead me.
Next week I decided to put a lot more focus on my empathic communication workshop, making sure that I am well prepared for it. I also want to create a client creation routine that will help me in keeping a steady stream of new clients coming in.
My visualization practice has not been in place these days. I don't really feel deeply connected to my vision but my to-do list still feels meaningful. It feels important to reconnect to my vision but I'm having a hard time connecting with it. I'm not really sure why.
I managed to work with full focus for two sessions today. It feels a lot easier not to pick up my phone or do other irrelevant stuff. I noticed that after I was done with my to-do list, I felt really unmotivated to do any other work. It gave me permission to slack off..
I've been on top of single focusing today and I wrote a really great summary. I noticed that there are certain tasks on my to-do list that I struggle with. They are important but at the same time, they aren't clearly defined so I don't start with them. The task today was "Prepare for the upcoming meeting with CBS" but I actually don't know what I should prepare... So the task seems daunting which it probably wouldn't be if I defined it more clearly.
If I tried to make it more specific it would look something like this: what's the goal of the meeting? To meet the new person on the team. To talk about marketing and marketing needs. To discuss possible other needs of mine.
I feel really anxious thinking about this meeting as I feel like I should be prepared but I don't really know in what way...
Things I did today:
- Reached out to 2 potential clients
- Sent a coaching session summary
- 2 sessions of focused work
Today I went on a spontaneous to a summerhouse with a friend of mine. I couldn't do the coaching session I had scheduled because of the bad WiFi connection here. It feels like something I should have checked before instead of just assuming it would be fine. I had to move two sessions because of it and that felt very unprofessional. I also realized how difficult it is to keep up my routines when I'm out of my usual environment (or rather how easy it is to find excuses!)
Today I learned an important lesson about being more specific about my goals, especially when I feel resistance. I had the goal of reaching out to companies for company coaching on my to-do list but never did it. Today I spent 45 minutes thinking about that and realized that there were many steps I needed to take to get ready for that step first.
I managed to do 2 focused sessions today which felt really good.
Goal visualization: I've been struggling to really connect to the long term goal I had set for myself lately, so today I decided to look at it again and create a more tangible, more short term dream. I looked more closely at independence as a goal and what potential challenges I'll face. I realized how important it feels to feel that I can take care of myself and that I'm able to do that I'll need to give up some of my comfort (support from my parents) so I'm forced to grow in the adversity that that step will entail. Growth happens when we're challenged, not in times of comfort.
Today I didn't do any work or any of my routines after staying up late. I realize more and more how my short term choices impact my long term goals. What I choose to do every day will reliably create my life. If I skip my routines, If I skip the work, no progress is going to happen. I don't regret that I didn't get much done today because I had a really great time, at the same time I realize that I need to become very clear about my priorities and take ownership of my dreams.
Things done: I started creating an application website for finding a collective.
Weekly planning: Today I spent some time reviewing the past week, what I had achieved and what I hadn't. It became clear that when my goals are not clearly enough defined that it is much less likely that I will achieve them.
Morning routine: I find it difficult to start my day in a proper way when I have a coaching session in the morning. I would just let time pass instead of working on something relevant. I need a bit more clarity around what I'm not allowed to do in the morning: using my electronics has become my default and I don't like it. I'd like to make it a rule not to use my Ipad in the morning for anything other than reading.
I did not even look at my to-do list today, I spent a lot of time procrastinating and with very low energy. I'm not really sure why I'm so low on energy, perhaps I didn't sleep enough. I find it difficult to accommodate days like these although they are inevitable. I somehow feel guilty/not good enough when they happen...
Struggles: I've been struggling so much today to get to any of my tasks. Most of what I want to do feels too overwhelming. Instead of getting to it, I pushed it aside, went outside to practice fire staff spinning or watching Netflix or getting lost on Facebook. I have a lot of stuff on my mind these days that make it very hard to focus on anything career-related. Dealing with this in a constructive way feels important as I'm sure many of my coaching clients will find themselves in similar positions where they know what they should do but don't get to it. What would I tell them? I feel like coaching does not really manage to address this in a proper way, this is more a matter of psychology or spirituality. Acceptance would probably be something I'd talk about and also forgiveness. Things don't always go the way we would like them to. We fall short of our goals and ambitions and despite that, we're still good enough - loveable. I would tell them that it is okay to have days where things don't work out and acknowledge how challenging it is to work through tough periods of low motivation.
Today has been another lost day, I did no focused work and have instead been procrastinating. It scares me to be in this place of super low motivation where my task list doesn't get completed. It really isn't the way I want to live my life and I really hope to find my motivation/inspiration soon. I'm keeping to some of my routines such as winter-bathing and writing these posts, I also try to go outside and talk to friends in order not to sink too deep into the hole.
It feels scary to see my dreams move further away instead of moving towards them. It feels challenging not to give up hope and not to fall into old patterns and ways of thinking. Part of me is confident that things will change and that I am on the right path even though right now it is all dark and grey.
Day 30 🔺
Oh wow! 30 days of blogging, 52 days of winter bathing, 30 days of meditation, 30 days of yoga! I've been on point with so many of my routines! I'd like to celebrate that I've reached the 30-day mile-stone! It's pretty cool that I've managed to stick to what I have committed to so far! It's funny that as I'm writing these blog posts I have to keep on checking in with myself about keeping it real... I feel drawn into the temptation to write what is expected (such as celebrating the 30 days!) but I don't really feel celebratory. The past week has really been shitty and many things haven't gone at all how I wanted them. So I actually find it difficult to connect to the joy of having stuck to my goals. Of course part of me is proud and I'm also aware that that is something I want to get better at: allowing myself to be happy and to celebrate what I did do. But at the same time, a large part of me downplays it. "Yes, but...". Humans are weird. Anyways. Well done me!
I had two coaching sessions today and both of them went really well. I realized that I would like to have some sort of ending ritual for my clients (if I worked with them over a longer period). Just ending it felt a bit weird.
I've realized that I need help with creating clients. My current strategy isn't working and I'm not really sure why. It bothers me quite a bit and I feel stuck.
My mood has shifted quite a lot these past few days. there isn't really an objective reason for it I've just kinda accepted everything that is happening or not happening at the moment. I'm reading a lot of very interesting books and otherwise, I'm just taking it slow, allowing myself to be a lot less strict about my work which feels good. I'm sure I will bounce back!
I've gotten into a rut again. I was just watching netflix in the morning and my anxiety was mounting. I was/am anxious about the upcoming nvc workshop and just push away the responsibility and it just amplifies the anxiety even more. I know this pattern really well from my past and I decided that something needs to change. I "forced" myself to just get started and almost immediately I felt better. The problem started to look more manageable and I made okay progress (the timer really helped to focus my mind!). It is scary how easy it is to fall off the horse...
Today was a horrible day... I had my NVC workshop scheduled for today and I just did not manage to prepare for it. I felt too anxious, too stressed and just wanted to get over with it. In the end no one showed up for it. Part of me was happy but a larger part of me is upset. This would have been really good practice for the upcoming, bigger workshop. Now I will feel even more pressure leading up to it... The good thing is that I found an apartment to move into.
Note: this has turned more and more into a personal diary... not really what I intended and a weird choice for this website... oh well
Another day of no productive activity. Sorting out my living situation and not going insane have been my priorities. I'm not really worried about falling off the horse, I'm hanging in there and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
It feels so weird to write this blog as it feels so personal and far away from me promoting myself as a life coach or as someone who has got their shit together. What I do like about this though is that it reflects quite honestly how life sometimes is. No one really has their shit together (whatever that means)! It is interesting to observe myself in this tumultuous period and how I cope (or don't cope) with the emotional stress in my life. I wish that I could post amazing updates every day, telling you how I'm crushing it in all areas of my life. But that's not what is going on. I still believe that I'm doing the best I can at this moment in time. I don't like it (and I don't always like myself these days) but it is how it is. I'm again feeling like this period is coming to an end soon.
Another day without much happening. It's tough, very tough to feel so low. I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for feeling this way and for having so little motivation. I'm mad at myself for feeling the way I do and for not being able to snap out of it. I'm moving in two days and I'm excited about that. I even skipped on winter bathing today! At least I'm keeping the blogging up!
I've let myself off the hook once again. I'm realizing how that too is important and valid. I've been struggling a lot mentally these days the living situation in which I found myself was really challenging and now I've finally moved out. It feels good and at the same time, I can feel that my body is still carrying a lot of the emotional weight... My addictions have become a comfort that is needed and destructive at the same time. I don't want to add self-hate on top of that. I forgive myself. I can see what I am doing with a new clarity. I'm aware even when I'm unable to help myself. In a way that's more difficult, more frustrating but also more hopeful. I'm still off the horse but I'm not worried. These times are strange, the future seems more unpredictable than ever...
Today was a really nice day, even though I skipped yoga and meditation. I went winter bathing and helped out with practical stuff around the house. Doing these little projects makes me feel accomplished and happy. I can feel how much better I'm feeling living in this new place. I worked for about an hour on my presentation that I'm also really happy with. I had to postpone my flight to Italy because of corona. It sucks but it also feels nice in terms of being able to focus a bit more on work in the coming week.
Today was a really good day! I didn't do any of my routines, but I had a coaching session and spent the afternoon doing practical work at my new place. I felt inspired to work on the summary in the evening and tried out a different approach than my usual one. I feel that my energy and joy is coming back slowly!
I can slowly feel the urgency of wanting to get back to my old habits coming up in me. I'm starting to feel restless about my daily goals and my more long-term goals. I have the capacity to think about those things again and feel able to get to work too. Now it's just a matter of getting to it and to start eating those frogs again!
Today I managed to get back into my routines, yoga, meditation and winter bathing. I also spent two hours working on my presentation and even more time learning and playing with Obsidian. I really enjoy using that tool and I'm curious about its, potential (which feels immense!)
Feeling reluctant to getting back to my to-do list. I'm afraid that I simply won't actually get the stuff done. I protect myself from disappointment by not even starting. Obviously, this precludes any hope for success in the first place. I have continued working on expanding Obsidian and specifically focused on everything empathic communication related.
Today I spent all my day expanding my note system in obsidian. It's new and exciting and I'm coming up with a lot of new ideas. My central challenge is still getting back to setting daily/weekly/monthly goals. I want to write a blog post about why I'm struggling to do that actually. Explore the parts of me that don't want to do it and give them a voice...
I worked on my upcoming presentation all day, feeling quite anxious and stressed while, at the same time, making good progress. It is interesting to observe myself in the process of creating this lecture and its content going back and forward between thinking that it's great and then that it is totally shitty. I care a lot about doing a good job and I always make adjustments until the very last second. I'm looking forward to being done with it though :D
I had a coaching session today that brought up mixed feelings. I felt very competent in the first half of it and not very competent at all in the second half. I think it was a good and valuable session for my coachee but it is challenging to be in that experience. It was also a friend I coached and I realized once again that I need to define more clearly what it means to have a coaching session with me (vs. being my friend). Especially in terms of keeping time.
I actually feel like I'm on top of things. Somehow the universe is telling me, showing me, that everything is fine. My need to control things isn't really making things go smoother/better, they happen in spite of my attempts to control them. It feels like a big challenge to integrate this learning, to not get in my own way and to still do my stuff...
Today I have a lecture on the topic of empathy at the workplace: From conflict to connection. I'm excited about hosting it and I feel ready. I've been working on this presentation a lot, going back and forth between "this is great" and "this is horrible". I'm looking forward to finally getting it done after it being postponed for about a year!
I've started planning my weeks again today! Somewhat naturally the need for more structure has come up. There are a lot of different projects/things that I need to keep track of and so it made sense to create a bit more overview again. My coaching has been picking up again lately and it feels like I did not really have to do much for it to happen... Of course, a lot of what is happening now is the fruit of work I've put in and it is important to keep on putting in the work, but it also shows that I can trust myself a bit more! <3
It's feeling really nice to feel tangible progress happening, checking things off a list and having an overview allows me to be a lot more relaxed. I'm still exploring the potential of Obsidian, working on different projects simultaneously. It feels like a huge time-saver!